content note: pain, blood, tearing, peeing, organs. It's pretty mild for a birth story.
Wednesday, February 19th, 2020
1:30 am
I woke up with contractions. When I had gone to bed the night before (skipping band rehearsal!), I had felt… strange. But our advice about childbirth was to get as much rest as possible while you still could, so I had ignored it.
I used “The Bump” app contraction timer. Here’s what it looks like:
It seemed like there was already a regular and close pattern.
2:30 am
I woke up Stephen. I took a bath. We called Kay, the nurse-midwife. She wanted us to wait a little longer.
3:30 am
Kay called again. We updated her on my contractions.
She said to come to the Birthing Inn at 5 am. Stephen did some last minute house-cleaning. He had already deep-cleaned the whole house and trimmed the whole yard because we’d had a house appraisal on Tuesday! I had the nursery in order too. (mostly.)
5:30 am
Driving to the Inn, my contractions slowed a bit. We arrived at the Inn. We were first; another family arrived 10 minutes later. So we claimed room #1 with the best tub. Angie (midwife apprentice) and Kay were organizing our rooms with various supplies and plain sheets for the bed.
6:00 am
We texted our family to let them know. Then we took a few “before” photos.
After this, timing got… blurry. I can remember things better by topic than by timing.
Contractions
At the beginning, they felt manageable. Using the timer was fun and easy. I could tell myself, “it’s only 30 seconds” and “now you get a two minute break!” But as the day progressed, I felt less control with timing. Especially when I was tired, I would fall asleep in between contractions, which led to the feeling that it was one long, never ending contraction with NO breaks. (Stephen said it appeared that way too, so maybe it wasn’t just me.)
Positions
I hung out on a birthing ball, kneeling by the bedside, laying on my side in bed, and spent time in the shower and the tub. There was a grab-bar over the bathroom door, but I forgot about it.
I preferred kneeling. Late in labor, they pulled out a special inflatable pillow so I could kneel on the bed. I didn’t like the position as much, but it must have been okay since I passed out several times on it.
Temperature
I got a lot of heats and chills. I wasn’t expecting that, and it was unpleasant. I kept taking my bathrobe on and off. The shower did not help.
Stephen
Putting pressure on the base of my spine during contractions was the BEST THING EVER. Honestly, the only relief for most of the day. He also remembered to make me drink little sips of water periodically (water bottle with straw.) We brought some snacks, but I wasn’t interested. Stephen was helpful- he would remember to put down a pillow for me. I wasn’t aware of knee pain at the time, but it probably saved me a lot of pain for the next day. He also kept a positive attitude.
Dilation
The midwives didn’t check dilation as much as movie doctors. They had mentioned it wasn’t the primary way of seeing how things are going. I know once in the morning they said 4 cm, and once in the afternoon they said 7 cm. (Who knows when.)
Mucus plug and water break
Again, different than TV childbirth. I had a long wait. Kay said not to worry about it. Late in labor, I spent some time in the tub, and that’s when the plug came out. My water broke later while I was lying in bed, with maybe two phases of gushing.
Communication
This was the most difficult part. I felt like I was on an alien planet and couldn’t speak language. Our birth class teacher had mentioned this, but she was only talking about how you feel during contractions. She made it sound magical, like being “in the zone.” I thought it would be like when you are super focused on a project, or when I ran races as a teen.
It was not.
It was really hard. Hard for Stephen too.
I would ask for pressure! and higher! or sometimes for water. But I couldn’t say, “Do the midwives think it’s okay that my water hasn’t broken yet, and is that a sign that we are still super-far from the end?” or ask, “If I try to take a nap, will that slow down the whole process?”
Pain Management and Medication
I had a little nausea, but it wasn’t a big issue. They handed me a bucket in case I needed to throw up. I wanted to hide it and not think about that! Angie also gave me a cloth soaked in certain oils (peppermint?) for nausea. At first it smelled nice, then I made Stephen toss it when it became too strong.
The midwives used blood pressure monitor throughout the day. A midwife would hold the monitor to my belly before, during, and after a contraction, to make sure he was reacting well. I guess it was never a problem. They also used the cuff once after delivery. I never had any monitors attached to me, so I always had freedom to move around.
Each contraction, I would try to relax and let it flow through me, rather than tensing up. As they got worse, when I would tense by accident, I felt like it would pause, frozen in my midsection until I could relax enough to release it.
Melanie had advised me (back in July when she didn’t know I was pregnant!) not to think of them as “contractions” but as “expansions.” Opening you up. I tried to think of that.
But it got harder and harder, trying to relax piece by piece, slowly.
Being in the tub was a low point in the day. Kay had given me instructions for being in the tub but I couldn’t understand or remember. I tried to just keep moving around.
I decided to ask for painkillers. (The Inn is not set up for epidurals. I think I would have asked for an epidural if it were an option.) I must have said something to Stephen, so he asked for me. Getting out of the tub seemed like a huge undertaking.
Then I lay on the bed on my side for a while. Kay came with meds. One homeopathic pill for under the tongue (I forgot to tell her I’m not into fake medicine, but too late for that now. Sugar pill placebo I guess) then she also gave me a shot in the arm. It was something mild, equivalent of ibuprofen.
Kay said the painkillers were the same level as taking a few ibuprofen. Maybe she was worried I felt guilty about it. I don’t! Although I’m glad I didn’t have the epidural option, for reasons I’ll mention later.
Stephen said I was more relaxed then. I don’t specifically remember. I slept a little. I never put clothes back on after the tub.
When my water broke on the bed, I was covered up so no one could see. I kept reminding myself that I needed to tell someone, but the contractions seemed endless.
“I’ll tell someone after the next contraction,” I thought, over and over. Maybe 15 minutes later, I told Stephen.
Birth
Another low point was really, really needing to pee. Every time I would stand or switch positions, it would trigger a contraction. Again, it seemed to take a mammoth effort to stand and walk to the toilet.
On the toilet, the contractions suddenly got worse. I started crying and yelling. And I couldn’t even relax a moment to pee! Stephen seemed panicked and came to hold my hand.
Angie said something — I don’t remember what — but that these contractions were a good sign. It was transitional labor with the urge to push.
I gave up trying to pee and knelt by the bed again. At some point, I peed on the floor by accident. I was mortified, but no one seemed to notice, and there was a towel within reach.
We could hear the women in room #2 grunting and crying out. I sort of appreciated that as it gave me permission to be noisy too
Kay was helping her deliver, so Angie took over with me. Someone else helped as well - our midwives had called in reinforcements because three of their clients were delivering on the same day. (I didn’t get the names of the other midwives.) I was laying on my side on the bed, and I felt a little surprised to suddenly being receiving attention. Finally, something was happening! Angie lifted and bent my leg, and encouraged me to hold it up under my thigh like that.
Pushing! Contractions continued to come in waves. But trying to push through each contraction (rather than attempting to relax) was so much more gratifying. I made a lot of weird noises. Mostly “aaaughhhh” in the grunting range, mixed in with some high notes. I said, “no” a few times.
This started to feel long as well. I couldn’t tell if I was making progress or not. I had a mental picture that baby was bearing down, but then sliding back up after each wave of contractions ended. (That’s not what happens, it was just my brain being a jerk.)
I was never instructed when to push or to breathe. My understanding of this if that pushing is a natural reaction to the strong contractions of late labor. If I’d had an epidural, I wouldn’t be able to feel the contractions. Again, at my low point, I would have wanted an epidural, so I’m not bragging about skipping it! And I only labored for 13 hours… some people go for days.
Angie asked if I wanted to switch positions. I tried hands and knees for a while. (I was never on my back during delivery.) But, I returned to laying on my side soon.
I started getting mad that he didn’t come. I push as hard as I could. Then, Angie said she could see him - a hairy head! A few minutes later, she took my hand and let me touch his head. It felt squishy.
Stephen says that changed things. It wasn’t long after that I pushed baby out. Everything suddenly seemed fast. There was a gush of water around him. Angie said his arm came out with his head. She rubbed him down with a towel as she placed him on my chest.
Still Wednesday, 2:39 pm
He seemed so big! I couldn’t believe he’d been inside me. I may have cried a little. We just lay there a long time. I couldn’t see him that well, finally laying flat on my back. Stephen snapped a few photos.
I had some tearing, so Kay and Angie prepped to stitch me up. We passed the baby over to Stephen (who removed his shirt too.) I scootched to the edge of the bed, like a obgyn exam. I’d been sitting on disposable mats which were soaked with blood and other juices. (They look exactly like giant puppy pads.)
They used a needle to inject painkiller in various places around my vulva… not at all around the perineum, where I more expected tearing. Apparently, you can tear sideways or up-ways as well. Ow. The needle was tiny and not too painful. Kay was teaching Angie, but then #2 needed her, so Kay decided to finish up herself faster.
They rubbed hard on my tummy to help my uterus contract. That was uncomfortable, but honestly no pain bothered me any more. And they gave me a shot of pitodin in my leg to make the uterus eject clots. I also had to push to deliver the placenta, but it took little effort.
Stephen says I got my lucidity back immediately after delivery. He thought it was weird to suddenly hear my complimenting Angie on her cute t-shirt. (I swear I couldn’t even read it before. It had pretty flowers and said, “Birth is hard, darling, but you are strong.)
I wanted to say more, and show some thanks to the midwives. I couldn’t believe it was finally over.
Then we had a long time to cuddle. Stephen lay in bed with us. I didn’t want to sit up or do anything.
Stephen eventually left to get us snacks. We had forgotten our leftovers in the fridge, and only had wheat-thins and fruit leather in the go-bag.
Room #2 had delivered less than 20 minutes ahead of us. They had a plethora of family members in the waiting room, and were apparently breaking out the champagne! That sounded stressful to us… we were glad no one was waiting nearby.
Stephen got raisin bran, almond milk, almonds, doritos, and granola bars. The go-bag had my favorite teas as well.
Re-energized, I took a shower. I bled on the floor. Then I got to put on an adult diaper, which felt more dignified than continuing to bleed all over the pads on the bed.
Our little guy had his cord clamped after all the blood finished pumping to him. Stephen and I both declined to cut it.
I tried to breast-feed, but he was only half interested. Angie gave me better instructions later: turn him horizontal. Tickle with nipple. One hand under his head, and one hand to adjust breast. Wait for him to open wide, then press his head against my chest. When he latches, make sure his lips flange out. If painful, break the suction with my finger tip and start over. It shouldn’t hurt! (Discomfort yes, pain no.)
We texted photos to the families. They were eager to hear stats - but we didn’t have them yet. (We reassured the family the stats wouldn’t change in an hour or two.)
The midwives took his stats in our room, mostly in bed. Height: 21” Head 13.5” Weight 7 lbs 9 oz
They’d put him in a receiving blanket. After he’d poo’d a little on it, we got out the cloth diapers I’d both. A midwife showed me how to snap the buttons into shape for newborn size.
Angie brought the placenta for inspection since I’d wanted to see it. (We declined to take it home.) She had to check it to be sure all of it came out: left behind bits in the uterus cause problems!
It was bigger than I’d expected. It looked like steak (or rather the size of three steaks). It was connected to the uterine wall and leaves a wound behind. (That’s why I continued bleeding for two weeks, like a looooong period)
We saw the two sides; the rough wall side and the smooth toward fetus side, membrances, and cord. It was like a science class demonstration.
We began to wrap up. Stephen got the carseat inside to warm up and got advice on its use. We dressed him in his “Welcome Jellybean” outfit. (Jellybean was his fetus nickname ever since he was bean-sized.) They made him an Inn birth certificate and stamped his footprints on it.
Then we got his (real) name on the board! We’d been watching that board for months, looking forward to being on it.
Room #3 got a baby around 8:30 pm, so the time (but no name yet) was on the board with our selfie.
We went home about six hours after delivery. (The midwives were left with the mess!) It all feels like a bit of a dream now, like the stork just brought him.
(I wrote this within weeks of giving birth so I could remember details; it just took a long time to share it.)
